Dear Natalie Imbruglia,

I’ve been putting two and two together and getting one. One pop star who returns every decade with an amazing song. One chart topping smash. One Natalie Imbruglia. One Natalie Imbruglia in a world of many personalities. You see, I think I’ve rumbled you, you sexy pop minx! *cheeky wink*

Your amazing pop secret is that you are in fact none other than… *drum roll followed by reading aloud all in one breath* Lisa Loeb, Meredith Brooks, Vanessa Carlton, Alanis Morissette, Sheryl Crow and quite possibly Carly Rae Jepsen. I put forward the evidence in the enclosed pop music videos.

Here’s your video to Torn:

Here’s your video to Stay (I Missed You):

Here’s your video to Bitch:

Here’s your video to A Thousand Miles:

Here’s your video to Ironic:

Here’s your video to If It Makes You Happy:

This is the only video that’s throwing me. It’s definitely got a touch of the Imbruglias about it… I’m fairly sure this is also your video for Call Me Maybe but with a remixed donk on it.

Please don’t worry though, I do not intend to blackmail you. Your secret is safe with me and your songs live on forever Natalie. Or should I say Carly Rae

Kind regards,

Jack Wallington

Dear Batman,

I drew the enclosed picture of you today. I know it’s not quite a Neil Buchanan but it’s of you smiling.

Why? I watched your new documentary today at the IMAX. The one in Waterloo. They say it’s the biggest cinema screen in the UK. I’m not so sure; I thought the Odeon in Slough was bigger. Although *laugh* I haven’t been there since I was ni…

… oh no! Sorry, really put my foot in it there! Weren’t you nine when your parents were murdered? Argh, I’m making it worse.

I’ll move on. Your documentary was most enjoyable and insightful.

Thrilling though it was to see the life of a civilian crime fighter such as yourself however, I was upset to see that you are still as sad looking in this third and final episode. I believe you can fight crime with a smile on your face. It’s OK to smile, you’re doing a good thing quashing thugs and lowlives. I assume many to be on crack or some other illegal class A drug. Possibly even petty theft or fraud.

Look at the other enclosed picture, Xena: Warrior Princess smiling.

Please, whenever you hit those gun wielding ruffians, think of my picture (and of Xena) and know there is at least one person (and Xena) who thinks this is reason to smile. Cheer up twinkle.

Kind regards,

Jack Wallington