Dear Tim Cook and Mark Zuckerberg,

Now I’m not blaming either of you personally but as the CEOs of Apple and Facebook I think you’ll agree that you must take some responsibility.

I own an iPhone 4 – I know! Embarrassing it isn’t a 4S but still… – and I’ve spotted the Facebook app getting noticeably slower. I’ve lost some seriously witty status updates because of this. My friendship group may have taken an as yet undetermined hit as a result.

Mr Zuckerberg, I suspect it is the Facebook app causing these issues. However I can’t rule out my conspiracy theory (aka the truth) that Apple intentionally slows its products down forcing us to upgrade every few months. We all know

Mr Cook and Mr Zuckerberg please can you investigate and respond ASAP. I dread to think how many lives this is affecting now that 200% of the world’s population uses Facebook on mobile.

Kind regards,

Jack Wallington

P.S. Tim, man to man, free upgrades for life will shut me up. I can be bought.